Useless Wish
by Tokyo's Single Shinjuu
Summary: Matt didn't want to live without Mello, but he couldn't find it within himself to stay.   Song fic. Rated for Language. Character Death


**Disclaimer- I do not own Death Note. I don't own 30 seconds to Mars or there song 'The Kill'. **

**A/N- I don't really know why this song made me think of Mello and Matt. But it did and here's the product. Enjoy! Oh, and it would probably be best if you listened to 'The Kill' while reading. Just my opion ^_^**

* * *

_"What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face...What would you do?"_

Matt couldn't help but feel the twinge of regret as he watched the blonde's back as it slammed the door shut behind him. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned anything about the case and just relaxed with his best...yes, his best friend. It pained him that he had to second guess himself on the status of there relationship.

Matt knew that he once would give the world for Mello. But that was the old Mello. The one that was more on the inoccent side. But this Mello, the current one, had him hacking and killing and doing stuff god didn't dream of when the world was created. And Matt couldn't help but hate him for it.

Matt used to love Mello. He really honestly did. But now...he just wasn't sure anymore. He rubbed his forehead and placed his face in his hands. If only Mello would've just loved him back. If only they could've ran away from Wammys and gotten married or some other shit, like Matt had daydreamed about. But that was years ago when L was alive and Mello wasn't a fucking sociopath.

Matt wasn't sure if he could handle his best friends behavior. He hated himself for it. But he knew the time was coming when he would be forced to say no to the carnage that the one-sided love showered him with.

* * *

_"What if I fell to the floor? Couldn't take this anymore? What would you do, do, do_?"

Matt wanted to scream, to cry, to do _something _as dramatic as he felt. But that wasn't in his nature.

"No." He settled for the simple word that spoke volumes. Mello blinked in shock, and then in anger at the refusal.

"The fuck do you mean, 'no'?" He growled. Matt almost smirked at the blondes angry face. He knew he should be feeling something along the lines of regret or pain but he didn't. All he felt was pure happiness at his spur of the moment decision to say no. It was amazing what a simple word could do for the mind.

"I mean I'm not doing it. Growl all you fucking want to but I'm not doing it." He replied feeling proud of his determination.

But the feeling was short-lived as Mello's fist struck Matt's jaw.

"You do what the hell I tell you to do unless you wanna fucking die!" Mello shouted. Matt laughed dryly as he propped himself on his elbows from the floor.

"Maybe that would be better than this hell." He countered lowly. Mello blinked in shock and the pregnant silence grew awkward.

* * *

_"Come Break Me Down! Bury me, Bury me! I am finished with you!" _

Matt felt indecisive as he packed his bags again. This was the fourth time he had tried and failed to pack up and go. Start up his own life without Mello and live almost happily as a hacker. But the if variable was so large. What if leaving Mello was more painful than staying? Was it a chance he was willing to take?

He sighed and dropped a pair of socks he was holding. He was just so fucking _scared_. But he couldn't tell if his fear of being alone was bigger than Mello. And that's what really scared him.

Matt wished Mello would just flat out kick him out and give him no choice in the matter. Yea it would hurt...but it would be a helluva lot easier. But Matt couldn't live without Mello. No, Didn't_ want_ to live without him. And he didn't plan on doing it anytime soon.

* * *

_What if I wanted to fight? Beg for the rest of my life! What would you do?_

As Mello sat with him and watched the movie, Matt made his decision to stay. No matter the consequences.

"Hey Mello?" He asked, somewhat tentively. Mello turned to look at him, curious anger sparking in his eyes.

"The hell Matt? I'm trying to watch this shit." He snarled. But Matt didn't take offence. He would fight through this in the hopes that when the case was over, the old Mello would return.

So in the hopes of avoiding a fight, he chose to not to ask the question burning his tounge.

"Nevermind." He replied in defeat. Mello huffed angrily.

"God Matt. Stop acting like a fucking sick puppy and follow through with whatever it is you wanna say damnit!" Mello said angrily. Matt wanted to scream. The whole reason he hadn't asked was because he didn't want to fight! But here they are, fighting anyway. Matt didn't reply, for he didn't want to say anything to make the situation, if possible, worse. This pissed Mello off more.

"Sometimes I don't know why I bother. You're almost as socially retarded as Near." Mello muttered harshly.

* * *

_"You say you wanted more. What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you"_

"What the fuck do you want me to do Mello?" He found himself standing, snarling the words that had been eating away at him. Whenever something went wrong it was Matt's fault. Or if he didn't reply to a question or didn't finish a sentance. Whatever Matt did, Mello wasn't happy with it.

"I want you to finish what the hell you were going to say!" Mello yelled back. Matt clenched his hands in fists out of frustration.

"You want me to finish what the hell I started! Fine Mello! Just fucking fine! I loved you Mello! I _fucking loved you_! And now, I can't stand to be around you because of who you are! Jesus, this fucking case has taken over your whole life and you don't give a shit! I could take the lack of love you used to show me, that was fine! But the angry sociopathic Mello is the one I can't deal with!" He bellowed back. He picked up the remote from the table and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a bang and Mello rose as it fell.

"You don't like the new me? Is that what this is about? You don't like what I've become? What I've been _forced _to be? Newsflash Matty! I have to be this way or else Near will win!"

"Oh here we go a-fucking-gain! Near this, Near that! Of I didn't know better I'd say you fucking loved him! So fuck you Mello! Fuck you!" He screamed and grabbed his coat. He stalked to the door and threw it open in his haste to finally be free.

* * *

_"Come Break me down! Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you! Look in my eyes. Your killing me, killing me! All I wanted was you!_

Matt stalked to his car, ignoring the blonde that followed. He tried to open his car door but was confronted by Mello who blocked his path.

"Where are you going?" Mello demanded. Matt ran a hand through his hair before replying.

"I'm done with you and your bullshit." He told the blonde with a frown. Mello blinked rapidly, comprehending the words the redhead had spoken.

"But you said you loved me." He said quietly. Matt groaned despite himself. Leave it to Mello to pull the card you wished didn't exist.

"I did. But you're killing me. I stayed here because I loved you. But that just isn't enough anymore. It's not enough for the daily hell you put me through." He countered. With that he shoved the blonde out of the way and slid into the driver seat. Matt started the car without looking at Mello.

"Matty.." The blonde started before Matt threw the car in reverse.

"Don't." Matt said and drove away without a backwards glance.

* * *

_"I tried to be someone else. But nothing seemed to change...I know now, this is who I really am inside. Finally found myself! Fighting for a chance, I know now, this is who I really am!_

Matt smiled slightly as he sped down the road. He was free. Finally away from the blondes pushiness, his lack of respect, his everything. He reached over and turned up the radio and smiled even broader at the cop car that was parked on the shoulder.

He sped up even more as he passed them. Matt flat out laughed as they pullled out behind him and turned there sirens on. Finally he would really be free, and he would go out in his own style, not the one Mello had determined for him.

He reached under his seat and pulled out the handgun he had started to keep with him when Mello became apart of the Mafia. Matt rolled down his window with a smirk and shot blindly behind him. The police swerved and sped up in an attempt to catch the now armed criminal.

He smiled and rolled his window up. He began to sing to an older rock song that came on. It seemed eerie how well it fit his current situation. He wished he could remember the name of the song or maybe the band but he could only draw blanks.

When two more police showed up, he fired another shot behind him in the hopes of drawing more. Which of course worked, now twelve cars were following him.

* * *

_"Ah, Ah. Oh, Oh. Ah, Ah." _

He went until he ran out of gas, at which point he pulled into an empty parking lot. The police cars circled around his car and Matt smirked.

"Come out with your hands up! I repeat, come out with your hands up!" A voice commanded. Matt frowned at that. He didn't much like comands. That was probably why he took his sweet time lighting up his cigarette and throwing the gun in the backseat.

"Well, I guess this is it." He muttered and opened his door slowly. He breathed in the beautiful nicotine and found himself smiling. He closed the door behind him before really observing the scene. Police cars on everyside, everyone out with guns pointing at him. Several news helicopters flew above him and he felt sick pleasure in the thought of Mello seeing this. He began raising his hands above his head. Not that he had any desire to surrender.

"Now, now. Can't we just talk this out nice-?" He started but was cut off by the sound of a gun. He knew that sound by heart and felt comfort in pretending that it was Mello's gun that fired out and hit his heart.

He fell against the car after the bullets were finished turning him to swiss cheese. He smiled as he took his last breath which, thankfully, was full of smoke. He hadn't planned on living without Mello and he had secretly always wanted to go away with a bang.

This was _perfect._

* * *

_"Come break me down. Bury me, bury me! I am finished with you! You! You! Look in my eyes... Your killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you! Come, break me down. Break me down! Break me down!"_

Mello stood at the foot of the redheads grave. He allowed the tears to fall from his face as he took in the sight.

Matt was dead and Mello had driven him to it. He understood now why his behavior would affect Matt so much. He just wished he would have realized it sooner. Perhaps then this whole situation would have been avoided.

He wished vehemently he could have told his best friend that he loved him to. He really did.

"What if I wanted to break?" He sang quietly under his breath. Matt used to sing it all the time before L died and the song kept replaying itself in Mello's mind. He wished he could have heard the man he loved sing it again.

He found himself wishing alot of things. Now that they were useless.

* * *

**A/N- So how'd you like it? Reviews would be lovely!**


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